You know it is a good Father’s Day when the following things occur:
(disclaimer – all of the following items are deemed “facts” not due to a statistical nature but because they all took place on Father’s Day to me – someone who does NOT have any children)
#5 – After spending 2 hours working alongside of a couple of friends on the condo rental property you own a couple of days before – replacing multiple electrical outlets due to them being so worn out that no plugs will stay in the outlet, you receive an e-mail stating that all the plugs you fixed are fine but after you left 2 more outlets that had been previously working NO LONGER HAVE ANY POWER COMING FROM THEM!
#4 – I really DID HAVE FUN getting a chance to hang out and eat lunch with the Moulden/Woolard/Cox crew for a Father’s Day Feast in Plymouth before rolling back to the big E City!
#3 – At the end of the church service in this small town congregation where you have just preached a message – one of the ladies announced they were going to hand out special treats to honor all of the dads in the room. As she spoke words of kindness and encouragement and made her way around the room handing out the cute little bags of goodies – I heard her pause and offer up these words to me sitting on the front row, “Neal are you a father?” – to which I sadly hung my head in shame (not really but it makes #1 on this list even better ha ha) and I simply replied that I was not. All the while it took every ounce of self-control to not blurt out “well not according to the last 2 paternity tests I took! In your FACE MAURY POVICH!” ha ha ha – to which I could have headed out to my vehicle and never looked back as I would never be asked to speak there again.
#2 – Upon arrival at the small rural church where you have been asked to come and guest preach while their minister is out-of-town – the man in charge of getting you the check to cover your cost of travel and speaking says to you, “What is your last name again?” – After you reply “Neal Alligood” – he then sort of chuckles and holds up your check while saying, “uhm I guess you aren’t the astronaut then?” only for you to realize it has been made out to “Neil Armstrong” – that was ONE SMALL STEP to prevent me from cashing that check and ONE GIANT LEAP for him to remember who the heck I am!
#1 – When you arrive home that evening to check your e-mail – the reality of your lack of social life is highlighted by the receipt of the following e-mail:
“Neal, find love this summer on SeniorPeopleMeet.com” where at the ripe old age of 35 I can meet 50+ singles FOR FREE and share my few remaining days on this earth in pure geriatric bliss!